The birth of an idea is wonderful. The moment after is when my doubts, fears, and insecurities begin to surface. It is a fragile and violent time for me.

Time stands still. I see the idea, hovering about all innocent-like. Waiting. Is the idea aware of the danger that is lurking so close? Usually, a few seconds is all I need. That’s enough time for me to decide if I am going to lead an all-out assault on it or if I will allow the idea to grow and become something.

When I see the possibilities of what an idea will ultimately become, I’m on it. I know the result, what I want to accomplish. I can work backwards and make it happen. I’ve done it countless times. But what about the times when I have no idea of what to do with the idea? Like countless ideas before, I basically say “Hey, Idea. I don’t know what to do with you, so fuck off”.

The truth is that I’m scared. How do I know if I can make this new idea good enough? Good enough for whom? Who am I actually writing/painting/designing/drawing/producing/constructing for? Surely it’s not for the ghosts of my past – my parents, grandparents, siblings, my husband, family, friends, enemies, my 6^th grade music teacher, or my ancestors?

It’s taken a while many years for me to figure out all I need to do is simply care for the idea. Feed it, treat it kindly, and nurture it until it grows into whatever it is supposed to be.

~Rita